Am I myoclonic?

**I am writing this out not just because I’m more articulate while writing than speaking, but that people don’t usually give time and space to hear tales of others more than a minute. So, here is to the ones that are comprehensive and compassionate enough to listen.**

I freaked out a guy at office as I startled, jumping off the chair, when he called out my name amidst the silent air.

I had screamed out loud on my dad’s footstep when I was reading a book.

The click of the switch had made me jump. Chirp of a lizard, door knocks, zips, sudden sound of TV after the power cut – I have sprang off screaming for all these.

I experience shock and spasm on hearing mild sounds in solid silence. These are completely involuntary, before I realize the sound in my brain I am already shocked.

Would you believe that I brutally scream in the nights when the door hinge makes noise? We have am imbalanced door that can’t be shut. It freaks me out so much that I would raise up from the bed screaming on the jerk whenever I hear that sound.

That puts off my friends’ sleep and I get complaints every morning on my creepy behavior at night. The sad part is that, I would be too asleep that I could not even realize myself screamingly sitting up on my bed.

The twitch is usually quick and brief when I am awake; brief but with amplified heartbeat when I am asleep.

But I am generally very normal with sounds, I can tolerate higher range sounds, crowd noise, whispers, murmuring, yelling, I am absolutely normal with everything.

Temple festivals, parties, waterfalls, movie theatres, ambulances – I’m not startled. Any type of noise in a moving environment is fine to me.

But a drip of water, a footstep (not a thunderous one, rather a hazing one) or even a sigh – that’s all it takes to startle me, when it breaks the silence.

When I ask Google it says that I am myoclonic and this is a symptom of an underlying disorder.

But am I really that??

Well, it’s there for everyone. I am just a bit more sensitive than you all. You are more sensitive than other creatures, may be.

Crackers induce an involuntary jerk in some people, a wild scream startles some, transformer explosion, sudden high pitch tones in thriller films, sudden barking of a dog when you walk in the streets – have you ever experienced involuntary jerk upon these in your body?

You don’t do it intentionally, it happens to you – just like the hiccup.

Otherwise, I love natural sounds.

I relish the mustards sputtering, ticking of the clock, water dripping in the tub, keyboard taps, flip of the paper, the sound that a pencil makes sliding across the paper. I even presented myself a black slate for my birthday, just to enjoy the friction that the slate pencil makes against the slate. Whenever you start a new stroke and the first letter of any sentence on the slate would make a thud, and the adjoining letters would ride with a kara mura. The sounds are exquisite with a fresh slate and a slate pencil is always better than a chalk.

You wouldn’t believe that I would hear my heart beat without having hands on it, not just during meditation, but whenever I have my mind steady. I could listen my heart thumping, in the traffics when I wait for the green. It’s louder when I sit alone.

 

Well, not that everyone should have a condition to deserve your kindness. Let us not wait to pour out our empathy until the condition compounds to the stake.

When you see someone in depression, let’s not wait to go talk to him until he gets serious and takes pills.

If you see someone falling, do not wait for her to fall to render your suggestions.

You are not going to lose your wealth when you give a Rs.10 to a co-passenger who lost his purse.

Don’t feel bad to buy one more food parcel for the granny who’s starving in your street. Don’t wait for her to ask you. See if she has a blanket in winters and umbrella in rain.

Don’t hesitate to offer the boy who lifted 15kg gas cylinder all the way to your kitchen a glass of water.

It is okay to sit and share a cup of tea with the one that cleans your drainage.

It is okay to have a friend with disorders. Understand if he’s allergic to something. Don’t judge them. Just because you are fine with somethings, it doesn’t mean the other person should also be comfortable with that.

We are all kind-hearted enough to caution a fellow passenger to take off the bike stand that he forgot to, kind enough to mourn for Sushant Singh who you have never seen. Let us not hesitate to evoke and express the kindness that’s in you. It costs you nothing, but love.

Remember, we always live in someone else’s kindness. It is our turn to give it back. Act now.